


Winters Kindness

by Angel_made_of_scars



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Everyone Needs A Hug, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-29 16:10:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15076850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_made_of_scars/pseuds/Angel_made_of_scars
Summary: Tony isn’t too happy to have Bucky back on the team, but when he needs everyone’s help taking down a possible surviving hydra base in the middle of nowhere, he takes what he can get. And Bucky turns out to save them, well, Cap, in more ways then he can understand.(Aka Steve starts having a panic attack about being Captain America, throws his shield down, and runs, and when tony can’t calm him down Bucky can.)





	Winters Kindness

“Alright, here they come.” Tony broadcasted.

They were coming, rushing towards them. He was positioned in an elevated tree watch. He was suppose to jump down on the fighting sides leader, while Tony went after the main leader. He was suppose to... do what he had to.

Most people didn’t realize Captain America was a fighter. His shield had done so much that... no one should see, or even know about. He had beat people to death. He had- he had decapitated. Back in the war. When he threw it ahead of him, trying not to care how many he took out because they were all nazis and he had to be the hero.

All of a sudden his ears were ringing and the ground shook. Was that a grenade? No- no, no, no. Don’t think about the war now. It’s over. It’s all- 

But it’s not. He was still here, still fighting. All these years. He couldn’t take it.

And then his target appeared. Charging out with a loaded semi. He didn’t hesitate to jump down, catching him off guard as he landed with full weight on him. He pinned him, threw the gun, and raised the black triangular shield above his neck. And he hesitated.

It was too much. He couldn’t- he just couldn’t. He had to do something.

Punch him. Over and over and over. Crack against his jaw. Crack against his nose. Crack against his temples with both fists. Out like a light.

He had to get out. He couldn’t breathe. He had to- had to-

* * *

“Cap what the hell is going on?” Tony radioed. Still just harsh breathing. This was useless. He’d already captured the man in charge in magnetic handcuffs and given him to Falcon to look after. Only a few people left running.

Where was Cap? He could look around from above everyone and not see him. Then a voice distracted him.

“Tony, I have to find him.” Bucky faltered. He sounded all too worried. Tony grunted and looked away.

“He’s probably been shot, but he’ll be fine. He heals fast. Just try not to freak out alright? Let me find him from the air. Or- if you want, you go that way and search by foot.” Tony said, pointing towards the deeper woods.

Bucky growled and stormed off in that direction anyway. He hated taking orders from Tony, and he knew Tony hated him. It didn’t matter though. Not if Stevey was hurt somewhere.

“Cap, come in.” Tony barked.

“Shut up!” Came the scream from the other end, followed by the crackling of a surely broken earpiece. Bucky knew that teary voice anywhere. He wasn’t hurt. Fuck. 

“Was that over there?” Bucky asked breathlessly, running back towards where Tony had been. But Tony was already flying towards the compound.

* * *

He looked pretty badly hurt. He was holding two places on his body. Curled up in a ball, gripping his stomach and the back of his head. But he couldn’t see any blood. What the hell was going on?

“Cap, come on, hey, Steve-” Tony tried, crouching down. His breathing was labored and he wouldn’t move.

“Steve! Come on! Let me see.” Tony urged. He tried to sit him up, but he screamed, and it made Tony fall back on his ass. What the hell?

“Stop it! Dong touch him!” Bucky yelled. Tony whipped around, to see Bucky running as fast as he could through the trees to where they sat.

“No- hey. Stay back alright? I got this.” Tony said. Bucky shocked him to his core. 

“Fuck off and listen. You do not have this. You don’t have the right to have this. I have this. Back. Up.” Bucky growled.

In a moment of pure adrenaline and rage, Tony wondered if this is what his parents saw before they died. He stood up and raised his arm towards Bucky.

“I said get back.” He said quietly. Bucky took one long look at his armors gun, kept eye contact, and slumped down in front of Steve, shielding him.

“I’m here now. I’m here punk. Come on, why don’t you take some deep breaths for me, remember? Like when you couldn’t breathe in ma’s house, and we had to get you a bag. I remember that. Do you?” Bucky asked quietly.

And Tony watched, in utter disbelief, and Steve started to nod, and realized his labored breathing was not only that, but sobs breaking free. Buckys hand moved like he was going to touch him, before hesitating. And Tony watched that too.

“Can I help you get more comfortable?” Bucky asked. Steve shook his head.

“Well, can I rub your back then?” He asked.

Steve slowly nodded, and Bucky leaned down, rubbing his back like he had said. Steve actually whimpered until Bucky started shushing him softly. Tony blinked, confusion probably written all over his face, but he didn’t say anything, not wanting to break the peace that had started to settle.

“Remember punk? When you kept gettin’ pneumonia an’ me and ma were so worried, but I said I’d look after you. Didn’t I?” Bucky said. Steve sniffed and nodded.

“Looks like you took care of me, huh? So now I’m gonna return the favor, I promise. For the rest of my life I will.” Bucky said, voice quiet.

Tony almost choked. This wasn’t... he wasn’t acting like the winter soldier. He was acting like the childhood friend Steve always spoke so much about, the one he insisted he had found, insisted was real and alive and... in there somewhere.

“Buck?” Steve whispered. He smiled and leaned down closer.

“I’m right here. Is it ok now? To get you up a little?” Bucky asked.

Steve nodded, and Bucky smiled at him, before hauling him up into a sort of sitting position in his lap, where the captain just slumped against him with his whole body. Bucky carefully wrapped his arms around his frame, and Steve hugged back, if a bit weakly. Tony had to say something. He had to.

“Cap-”

“No.” Steve said harshly. Bucky tightened his grip and moved one hand to the back of Steve’s head, where he could move fingers through his hair. It looked so... intimate. He didn’t want to interrupt again.

“Steve. Call me... Just. Steve.” He sniffed.

“What, you don’t want to be captain anymore?” Tony bit out, a little to harshly. Buckys cold eyes snapped straight to him.

“No.” Steve answered. Tony blanked.

“It’s ok. You’re safe now, I got you Stevey.” Bucky whispered, going back to ignoring Tony. Steve hurried his face deeper into Buckys shoulder.

“M’sorry.” Steve mumbled.

“Hey now, don’t be.” Bucky said.

“Love you...” Steve slurred. Buckys eyes almost imperceptibly glances at Tony, before his head did a tiny jerk of “well guess that’s that”.

“Love you too Stevey. Til the end of the line.” Bucky whispered back. 

As if the pet name didn’t throw Tony off enough, the words that had just been spoken made his head spin. Actually, it made it hurt. He wasn’t even sure what to say to Steve now. Not about injury, or not taking out the target, or whatever this was. Instead, his brain supplied him with a single solution.

“Let’s get him in the back of the jet. If we say he got punched so hard he blacked out, no one will bother him while he rests.” Tony said. Yeah, that seemed logical. Bucky even seemed surprised by the offer.

“Ok, yeah. Come on Stevey, I’m gonna carry you alright?” Bucky said. Steve shook his head, and pulled away.

“I-I can walk.” He said hesitantly, pointedly not looking at Tony. He looked as guilty as Tony had ever seen. 

“I’ll go on ahead. Just to make sure.” Tony said, before making a quick exit. The last thing he say was Steve visibly relaxing, and letting Bucky help him up.

* * *

The ride back was stressful for Tony he was sure, but more stressful for Steve himself. Bucky was right there with him, and he felt ~present~ again, but he was sure he’d caused a scene. He didn’t remember.

Ears ringing. Unfamiliar touch. He screamed and then- Bucky was back. It was all ok. No. Steve. Just Steve. Please I can’t do it, I can’t, stop, just stop-

But Bucky was going to protect him from that. That’s right, Maybe he could stop being this soldier. Maybe they could even get some stuff for their apartment. To make it more permanent. Or buy a house. But first, Tony. He was here. He had to be upset.

Quiet apology. Slurred love declarations. Tony had flown away as Bucky helped him up and started describing their surroundings until he was back in his own head. God, what would Tony think.

“I have to talk to him don’t I?” Steve asked, rubbing his face. 

“It might help for sure. But you don’t have to. He could put us in a car, and we could head home.” Bucky said.

It sounded good to Steve, a nice car ride to doze off. They get home, jump in the shower, get all the grime and sweat off, and hop into bed early. Maybe even eat something first. They both needed to get better about that. But first he needed to talk to Tony.

“I have to do this.” Steve said, steeling himself, and standing up.

“I’ll be here if you need me.” Bucky said comfortably, reminding him of just how much he sounded like he was from Brooklyn when he was just admiring Steve.

He braces himself as he slid the little cots door open and walked to the front. Everyone seemed busy in their own conversations, except Tony, who stood and walked to him instantly.

“You alright?” Tony asked awkwardly. Steve sighed, and waved to the side-of-the-wall seating, and they both sat.

“Look, I’m pretty far gone when I...” Steve started, but he wasn’t really sure where to... well, start.

“Christ, I know what a panic attack is, I didn’t know you had them! I have them! Not you.” Tony whispered. Steve blinked.

“You never-”

“I do! I am! Now! I get- angry. And jumpy. It’s just, you, you get, so out of control you don’t remember anything apparently. You said you didn’t want to be Captain America.” Tony spat out in a flurry of words.

“Do you need-” 

“No, don’t. I’m fine.” Tony said, gripping his knees, and blowing out a puff of air. 

“I... don’t want to be Captain America anymore, actually.” Steve said quietly.

“Christ!” Tony shouted. Everyone looked towards him and he lifted his hand. 

“I’m fine! Muscle spasm.” He lied, before putting his head in his hands. 

“You and Bucky?” Tony asked. Steve couldn’t help the little smile that traced his lips.

“Yeah.”

“Ok... and what now?” He asked. Steve shook his head and gave his a shrug.

“Go on vacations? Get a dog? I don’t know. Be normal. Go to the pool. Maybe Buck could wear a swim shirt so people don’t see his arm.” Steve said. Before Tony could speak Steve started rambling. 

“Or maybe we could go on one last military oriented trip, to Wakanda, and get it taken off for good. We’ve been talking about it. It would be hard at first, he never really had to without an arm that he can remember, but it would be worth it so we could go out in public. Get him a nice hair cut like he used to have, and we could be normal. No more... decapitating or mutilation or torture or death. Just... us and a dog or two at the beach.” Steve said in wonder. Tony couldn’t help but sigh and smile at the same time.

“You really love him.”

“I do.”

“And he really... really loves you.” Tony said quietly. Steve chuckled.

“Was he that obvious?”

“Oh big time! All over you!” Tony chuckled. Steve smiled at him and pushed his shoulder with his own.

“I really am sorry. For the big show. If you need me once in a while that’s ok, I just can’t keep doing this so often and... forever.” Steve said. Tony nodded.

“I understand. Go tell lover boy I’m sending you to the beach. We’ll get him a long shirt, like you said.” 

“Seriously?” Steve asked, already standing.

“Yeah, I don’t pretend to get it. But at least you deserve it.” Tony said. Steve figured that was the closest he was going to get to being nice to Bucky, so he just shrugged off the obvious insult lying somewhere in there.

“Buck, guess what?” He said, tapping on the cot door.

Tony put his head in his hands and sighed. It had been a long fucking day.


End file.
